10 new Provinces for Thailand

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Isaan Rollie
Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast

10 new Provinces for Thailand

Ungelesener Beitragvon Isaan Rollie » Di Dez 12, 2006 4:52 pm

Thailand to get 10 new provinces!

The mighty United States has just 50 of them, India 28 and big-old China a meagre 22.

The Land of Smiles however, though relatively small by comparison, has an amazing 76 provinces! Unhappy with just 76, governments have been planning for years to add a few more to the total hopefully pushing it towards the 100 mark! In a true exclusive, I am delighted to provide you with an as yet unpublished proposal to establish 10 brand-new provinces. They are as follows:



1) Nakhon Farang (The Province of the Farang)

Dedicated to the wonderfully whiney farang expat, this province located somewhere between Pattaya and the Cambodian border will offer everything that the average farang expat just loves! First and foremost, this exotic province will be laden with the one and only barstool. It has been proposed that a huge barstool be erected at the gateway of the province in memory of the original barstool expats. Besides just the barstool, the province will see an abundance of burger joints, fish and chip shops and of course, happy-hour beer bars. Rather than wasting money on actual staff, each bar beer will be lined with sexy-looking robots programmed to shout out, "Hello, you very handsome man", to every bloke who passes by.

2) Kluaypun Buri (The Province of the Banana Shake)

Located just north of Bangkok, this province will be designed to enhance the epic travels of the Western backpacker. Each guest-house will have the latest hi-tech 60-inch movie screens showing the latest in counterfeit DVD blockbusters. Free banana shakes, banana pancakes will be on offer and Red Bull T-shirts will be distributed to each traveller as a memento of their groovy "year around the world" trip.

3) Plortphai Buri (The Province of Road Safety)

For locals and foreigners alike, this blissfully safe province will be rid of all the life-threatening absurdities which plague every other province. Each driver in the province will have his/her driving credentials scrutinised and be ordered to "respect the law". A heaven for pedestrians - each passing vehicle will have to stop at zebra crossings and drive at sane speeds. Mad bus drivers and their wife conductresses are banned from the province - so are huge dangerously erected advertising billboards, six-foot deep potholes and head-level live electric cables!



4) Nakhon Nee Khadee (The Province of the Fugitive)

Dedicated to all the nation's well-off connected criminals who usually run away to the deep jungles of Cambodia, Laos or even the United States, this province will offer each and every fugitive a warm place to dwell without having to spend their earnings abroad. An ID card won't be compulsory in the province, just a couple of "name-cards" of powerful friends or family will do. A basic compulsory expenditure of Bt1,000 will be required however, so that all the authorities will turn their heads and not realise that you are a fugitive.



5) Koh Itsarasat (The Provincial Island of the Free Animals)

Situated on a remote island in the south of the country, it will be an earthly delight for Thailand's endangered species. Local poachers, Chinese pharmacists and all farang zookeepers will be prohibited access. Besides banning Australia's elephant-thieving businessmen, local Thai politicians and their cronies will also be shown the red card, thus making sure none of the animals is eaten or cut up just for fun.



6) Nakhon Sai Deow (The Province of the Spaghetti Top)

A brilliant new province situated just outside Bangkok, this will be dedicated to every fashion-conscious naughty-looking Bangkokian girl. With the Culture Ministry forbidden from entering, the female population will be free to plod around wearing what they darned-well want without having to be scrutinised by fuddy-duddy government officials complaining about how "un-Thai" they look. Groovy shopping malls with names like "Siam Sadue" (Siam Bellybutton) and "Paragon Tight-top" will be havens for university and techno girls to parade around in their flesh-revealing costumes or extremely short, tight college outfits. Billboards for nose jobs, armpit hair-removal lotions and Sunsilk-looking hairdos will be promoted around town.



7) Nam Thuam Nakhon (The Province of the Flood)

Located in the North of the country, this province will offer tourists a great opportunity to see for themselves the lives of locals who have had to tolerate annual floods which submerge their land and homes. As a memento to a government that last cared about their flood-ridden lives way back in 1969, a huge statue of the last MP to put forward an anti-flood policy will be erected. Since no government has been bothered to compensate any of the flood-affected villagers for decades, all proceeds from tourist stops will be distributed amongst the locals.



8.) Nakhon Non-Active (The Province of Non-active Duty)

A peaceful province to be located somewhere near a border, this will be dedicated to some Army officers, but mainly police, who have been demoted to non-active duty after they were caught breaking the law. With due respect to the officers, a huge statue of a coffee cup is to be erected at the gateway of the province. After signing in every morning, these officers will be free to sit around, sleep, read comic books, watch TV, call up their minor wives and chat about the girls at "Siam Sadue" all day long.



9) Rot Kheng Nakhon (The Province of Mad Racing)

Since a huge majority of the local teenage male population is addicted to illegal motorbike racing to the horror of others, a brand-new province is to be established especially for them. Free from traffic police, traffic cones, pedestrians, zebra crossings and those darned red lights, these racing-obsessed boys will be able to rev along the streets 24 hours a day wearing no helmets - should they wish to endanger their lives in such pathetic manner, that is their business.



10) Buddie Maew Buri (The Province of the Cronies)

A haven for government cronies, this province will be designated a tax-free zone - in fact nobody will have to pay any money whatsoever to the country's national budget. Banks from remote places such as the Virgin and Bikini Islands will be invited to open branches and provide worthy advice to cronies wanting to sending their corrupt cash out of the country, so escaping the prying eyes of the media. Even though part of the province will be a national park, all inhabitants will be permitted to encroach upon as much land as they wish and still charge foreign tourists an extortionate entrance fee.

From: http://nationmultimedia.com/2006/09/16/ ... 013779.php

lkhkf
Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast

Re: 10 new Provinces for Thailand

Ungelesener Beitragvon lkhkf » Do Mär 14, 2013 4:05 pm

wow , I haven't got to there places.So can you tell me which I can travel the best


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