The Joke Thread
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
The Joke Thread
The Lazy Frog
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks around the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $ 20 each! Money back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).
The girl exitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers to the man behind the counter, "I'll have one." The Man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So the girl calles the pet store.
The Man says, " had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks around the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $ 20 each! Money back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).
The girl exitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers to the man behind the counter, "I'll have one." The Man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So the girl calles the pet store.
The Man says, " had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided that they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail.
When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned. How was it for you?"
The second old man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?"
"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast, she farted and flew out the window!"
When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned. How was it for you?"
The second old man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?"
"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast, she farted and flew out the window!"
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, I did." he replied.
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, I did." he replied.
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in sex. Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it's working.
So, she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husband's Christmas dinner. That night, they make love for one hour. The next day, she's running around thrilled and happy. "Oh, my God. I can't believe how well that worked," she thinks to herself. That night she puts two pills in his food and that night they make love for two hours. The next day, she's even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills in his food.
Two weeks go by without any word from this woman, so Santa decides to give her a call. A little boy answers the phone. Santa says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"
"No, she's...who's this?" the little boy asks. "I'm a friend of your mother's and I gave her some pills to help her out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe you know how it's going?"
"That was you?!" the little boy says. "Let me tell you -- Mom's dead, sister's pregnant, my ass hurts and Dad's in the attic going, 'Here kitty, kitty, kitty.' "
So, she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husband's Christmas dinner. That night, they make love for one hour. The next day, she's running around thrilled and happy. "Oh, my God. I can't believe how well that worked," she thinks to herself. That night she puts two pills in his food and that night they make love for two hours. The next day, she's even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills in his food.
Two weeks go by without any word from this woman, so Santa decides to give her a call. A little boy answers the phone. Santa says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"
"No, she's...who's this?" the little boy asks. "I'm a friend of your mother's and I gave her some pills to help her out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe you know how it's going?"
"That was you?!" the little boy says. "Let me tell you -- Mom's dead, sister's pregnant, my ass hurts and Dad's in the attic going, 'Here kitty, kitty, kitty.' "
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in.
Why do women need men?
Because vibrators can't get a round of drinks in.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
So they can remember which end to wipe.
Why are bankers good lovers?
They know the penalty for early withdrawals
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in.
Why do women need men?
Because vibrators can't get a round of drinks in.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
So they can remember which end to wipe.
Why are bankers good lovers?
They know the penalty for early withdrawals
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
Why do men die before their wives?
................
They want to.
................
They want to.
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
What is the difference between men and women?
A women wants a bloke to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
A women wants a bloke to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
Its no joke if other cannot see our Joke Thread.
Could we make it more accessible please?
Could we make it more accessible please?
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
Why do men need an instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
Why are women more intelligent than men?
Because diamonds are a girls best friend while man's best friend is a dog.
Because diamonds are a girls best friend while man's best friend is a dog.
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
Whats a mans idea of foreplay?
Watching the end of the match first.
Watching the end of the match first.
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
A man asks his wife :-
Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Because I married the wrong man
Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Because I married the wrong man
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
Whats the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a womans body, except his own.
A man who hates every bone in a womans body, except his own.
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
A man goes to his doctor because hes been sunbathing too long and has got badly burnt.
"Yes" says the doctor, its definitely sunburn . I will write you out a prescription
Checking the prescription the man was surprised to see he had written down Calamine Lotion and Viagra.
"Thats odd" says the man. I can see the need for the Calamine, but why the Viagra.
The doctor replies "Thats to keep the sheets off you at night"
"Yes" says the doctor, its definitely sunburn . I will write you out a prescription
Checking the prescription the man was surprised to see he had written down Calamine Lotion and Viagra.
"Thats odd" says the man. I can see the need for the Calamine, but why the Viagra.
The doctor replies "Thats to keep the sheets off you at night"
-
- Korat-Isaan-Forum-Gast
Re: The Joke Thread
A man goes to the doctor.
Doctor! I have an embarrassing sexual problem
I can't get it up my wife any more.
"Bring her in tomorrow" says the Doctor
'Then I'll see what I can do for her"
The man returns with his wife the next day and the Doctor asks her to remove her clothes, turn all the way round, then lie down on the examining table.
After asking her to get dressed again, he takes the man to one side and say's
"It's OK you are in perfect health"
"Your wife doesn't give me an erection either"
Doctor! I have an embarrassing sexual problem
I can't get it up my wife any more.
"Bring her in tomorrow" says the Doctor
'Then I'll see what I can do for her"
The man returns with his wife the next day and the Doctor asks her to remove her clothes, turn all the way round, then lie down on the examining table.
After asking her to get dressed again, he takes the man to one side and say's
"It's OK you are in perfect health"
"Your wife doesn't give me an erection either"
Zurück zu „Open Discussion and Cross Talk (serious & jest)“
Wer ist online?
Mitglieder in diesem Forum: 0 Mitglieder und 27 Gäste